Errand-running in the Covid Times: A Rant

Over the past three days, I managed to get to about six different businesses in Livingston County. Most of these errands qualified as essential, but a couple were, admittedly, not crucial…but when you live in Pinckney and you need to go to Brighton you try to do all the Brighton things you can in one swoop. So.

It was abundantly clear that the whole “wear a mask” deal, to quote some movie pirates, is just a guideline, really. Signs at all the businesses claim to value employee and customer safety, and require masks and distancing. Or maybe not.

And then there are the directional signs in the stores. And what the hell with driving and parking people? Did you forget how?

The new directional marking for aisles has been the bane of my errand-running existence since it started. My initial complaint was simply that most shoppers are not looking at the floor as they move through a store (I have been in exactly one grocery store - Plum Market - where they thought to put signage at eye-height at the end of every aisle). But as more places adopted this strategy - and again, I get it and it makes sense even if it does add what seems like HOURS to the shopping you are trying to accomplish quickly - it’s clear they all need to consult with a traffic engineer or something.

Meijer (Brighton) should win an award for Crappiest Directional Arrows in the Taped To The Floor category. From the toddler they put in charge of tearing off ragged and uneven chunks of duct tape to whomever they have appointed chief traffic safety engineer, this store is a frustrating, confusing mess. Some aisles have arrows; some do not. Produce is a free-for-all; not sure what it is about selecting fruit and veggies that is different than, say, grabbing a yogurt, but arrows are used in the dairy aisle but not anywhere in produce.

At one point, I was driving my cart down a main aisle, in the correct direction, when the arrows stopped - and then appeared going the other way. Do I keep going, the wrong way? Do I turn around, also the wrong way? There are no rules of etiquette for these situations. It’s worse than those traffic circles.

Actually, a traffic circle is a great idea. Costco has one in the dairy room that almost kinda-sorta works (about the same score at the Lee Rd roundabouts!).

Home Depot (Brighton) had a line marked for paint orders, and one for order pick-up, which left no through-aisle. Do I go through the paint order line to get over? I decided to cut around the back of the paint counter, only to end up - back in the paint order line. After not finding what I wanted, I could not exit the way I came in, but I also could not seem to get to the exit door without going through the entire store. Exiting, I had to pass close to two employees, presumably staffing the exit, both of whom had their masks pulled down under their chins.

Now, given the idiotic “but-my-freedoms” reactions in Michigan of late, I completely understand why businesses would not be enforcing the wearing of face masks by customers. They are desperate for business, and it’s just not worth risking assault or death because some asshole who has never read a constitution of any type in his life thinks wearing a mask violates his constitutional rights. So I get that.

But employees? Not so much. Every single place I went - and Home Depot (Brighton) was the worst - had employees who either did not wear masks, OR who wore masks, but they pulled them down under their mouths so they could talk to each other, or to customers.

This face mask thing, it’s not hard, people. It barely even cracks “tedious” on the things-ya-gotta-do-these-days scale. Not wearing a mask is not the hard-assed display of freedom and independence you think it is, It just shows that you are stunningly inconsiderate. Also, possibly, not very bright. It’s a bad combination. And you get no points for wearing a mask when it’s not covering your face. That’s not how this works.

I spent the entire time in these stores with that mask cartoon - see above - in my head, front and center. This is stressful. The humor wears off, trust me, and all you have left is a dick visual and a stupid one at that.

And did everyone forget how to drive? The parking lots were even more life-threatening than the stores. I sat in my car watching an older driver in a huge Lincoln attempt to pull through a space - but the space he was aiming for was the space I happened to be in. And I couldn’t back up because some chick was standing behind my car, on her phone, not moving. Leaving the parking lot, I almost got t-boned by a man in a minivan who apparently thought that “safety measures that can be ignored” included stopping at stop signs. Of course, we are in Livingston County, where our sheriff felt the need to announce publicly - not once, but twice! - that he would not enforce executive orders, especially since the infractions were no more serious than, say, running a stop sign. Maybe that’s the problem?

Quick word to the garden centers - your crowded tents and greenhouses are not exactly “outside” you know?

Needless to say, I survived this round of Errands of the Apocalypse with nothing severely damaged other than my usual good mood.

My faith in humanity? That got trashed a while ago.