Get Ready for the Apocalypse of Your Choice

Costco just sent me their summer savings booklet for June, and it happens to include not one, but several options in one-year food storage supplies.

You know, for the End of the World As We Know It. The Zombie Apocalypse. The Octopus Apocalypse. Vladimir Putin. FIFA. Something That Obama Did. Pick one.

My favorite one is actually called The ARK. Yes, really. Over 14,000 servings in 36 buckets. It comes on a pallet. Here are some excerpts of what the company has to say:

We can’t always know what the future will bring. Being prepared is one of the oldest and wisest principles known to man. Whether it’s job loss, illness or injury, food shortages, or natural disaster it pays to Live Life Ready®.
This incredible food kit has nearly 33 pounds of compact just-add-water meals. That’s a lot of food!
From a large variety of great tasting recipes to top-of-the-line packaging, including the patented Gamma Seal® lid, this food kit has it all.
Each of the recipes has been selected for versatility when cooking. Add Chef’s Banquet freeze-dried fruits or vegetables to mix things up.
To really pack in the value all meals are individually packaged in large re-sealable metalite pouches. Then the bulk pouches are packaged in a heavy-duty 7-gallon plastic container and then sealed with The Gamma Seal® lid.

That one is $3,499.99. Just add water.

This kit includes food AND water AND fuel. Oh, wait, those are just containers for you to fill with water. And 100 hours of fuel. Good thing apocalypses are known for being short-lived.

For $1,199.99 you can get a six month food, fuel and water collection from Shelf Reliance (get it? Self-reliance, Shelf-reliance?). Except it doesn't actually include water, just the "H2O Reserve 20pk to use for water storage. The H2O Reserve™ allows you to have 20 five-gallon reserves located in all of the important places like the garage, basement, bedrooms, kitchen, etc. This supply comes with 2 (two) Aquamira® Water Treatment Kits! This treatment solution kills odor-causing bacteria and enhances the taste of stored water with no aftertaste. These kits combine will treat up to 120 gallons of clean, drinkable water."

So, 100 gallons of your own water, stashed around the house, and supply of tablets to treat that water so it doesn't taste bad. Note that the treatment kits just kill the "odor-causing bacteria," not the bacteria that might actually kill you. How useful! Also, I checked ready.gov, and a couple of survival websites and guess what? One person probably needs 175 gallons of water for a six-month stint in the basement of a blown-out factory with no potable water. Maybe less - until you factor in all the "just add water" recipes.

This one has 6200 servings. For six months. For one person. I know you are doing the math here, scratching your head and thinking "But didn't the one year kit from ARK have over 14,000 servings for a year?" Yeah, it did. Mountain House has a one-year, one-person set up that offers 3,986 servings (for $4,499.99). Nutristore has a 4-person one-year food supply of 32,500 servings, which works out to 8,125 servings per person, per year.

Looks like even at the end of the world, we'll have to read the labels.